Every year as the holiday season approaches, a small yet mighty manufacturing company swoops in to permeate every facet of our lives. Hallmark, the creators of greeting cards, socks, home decor, single wick candles, and for some odd reason, Christmas wine, makes its annual return with the most horrible Christmas movies you’ve probably ever watched.
These overly sentimental tales with the most outrageous plots known to mankind have long been dismissed as cookie cutter fluff, catering to the bored or easily amused. But setting aside the negativity for a second, aren’t they kind of perfect? I think Hallmark Christmas movies are the seasonal pit stop we all secretly need.
For one, life is stressful. Especially for students during December, with the superfluous amount of last minute assignments piling in and the looming presence of our dreaded finals. Enter the Hallmark formula. It’s reliable, soothing, and somewhat reassuring. Girl meets boy. They dislike each other. They bake cookies. They fall in love in a snowstorm while wearing cute coats. Roll credits. There’s no ambiguity, no twist endings, no dark existential undertones. Just 90 minutes of guaranteed happily ever after, wrapped in multicolored Christmas lights and gingerbread houses.
Do you need to think deeply about them? Absolutely not. But does anyone question the value of comfort food? No one’s looking at a steaming cup of hot cocoa and demanding it be avant garde. You appreciate it in all its simplicity.
Take for example, “One Royal Holiday.” You’ve got a fake prince from a fake kingdom, grumpy characters in need of some Christmas spirit, and an adorably unrealistic meet-cute. There’s also Aaron Tveit doing a horrible British accent if that brief description isn’t enough to entice you. The cinematography is decent and Aaron Tveit struggles to pronounce any word with the letter ‘r’ in it, but regardless, I watch it every Christmas. There’s something comforting about the predictability and nostalgia surrounding Hallmark’s brand that despite its flaws, you always find yourself coming back to their movies.
Don’t get me wrong, I love a cerebral, critically acclaimed movie as much as the next person. But during the holidays, do I really want to analyze complex metaphors or cry over morally ambiguous antiheroes? No. I want to watch Candace Cameron Bure play a plucky baker saving her family’s failing inn while falling for a rugged, flannel wearing guy (typically played by a washed up broadway star) who somehow doesn’t own a smartphone.
Hallmark movies are the palate cleanser we need this holiday season. They don’t try to change the world, and that’s okay. Sometimes, all we want is something that makes us feel like everything’s going to be okay, even if only until the credits roll.
Overall, these movies remind us of what Christmas is supposed to be about. Love, kindness, connection, and $30 Hallmark candles. Sure, they gloss over the nitty gritty of real life, but they also bring us back to the basics. A Hallmark Christmas movie doesn’t ask for much. It’s not trying to be edgy or groundbreaking. It’s just there to make you smile and maybe, just maybe, believe in the magic of the Christmas season.
So light up your single wick Hallmark candle and curl up in a warm Hallmark blanket with your Christmas Hallmark wine and learn to embrace the overly cheesy and horribly written Hallmark movies. If there’s one thing we all need during Christmas, it’s a reminder that happy endings are still possible, even if they come with a side of artificial snow and the most obvious product placement you’ve ever seen.
