High school isn’t easy for anyone. It’s oftentimes a place that fosters more hate than love, and scars more than it heals. Indonesian singer and songwriter Nicole Zenfaya, better known by her artist name, NIKI, is known for her poetic lyrics and the powerful writing that resounds through all of her songs. Her album, “Nicole,” features the storytelling of her experience as a struggling teenager whilst navigating a tumultuous journey of high school. On top of that, her album is entirely dedicated to her high school self as “Nicole” recounts the various love affairs she had experienced, as well as the lessons she’s learned. While the general tone is reminiscent of the past, she also alludes to moving past the painful memories.
“High School in Jakarta”
“High school in Jakarta, American summer
Had no chance against the Marxist girl with marijuana
I was your pinata, she was a star-charter
Glad she gave it to you real hard, but I loved you harder
High school in Jakarta, I won’t, but I wanna
Ask you when you talk about it, do I ever come up?
Say thanks to your mama, now we’re through
Could’ve ended different, then again
We went to high school in Jakarta”
“High School in Jakarta” is, by far, NIKI’s most popular track from this album, and for good reason too. As the title suggests, “Nicole” recollects on her high school experience within this song. It alludes to messy relationships, drama-filled friendships, and the culture clash between living in Jakarta versus her summers in America. The song is bittersweet and perfectly entails the teenage experience of trying to find balance amidst chaos. Despite having separated for so long, her mind still wanders to him from time to time, conveying that memories, bitter or not, are hard to forget.
“Keeping Tabs”
“I wish I never met you
You are the worst thing that I’m still
Keeping tabs on for some stupid reason
You’re the same with everyone
I’m not special, no”
“Keeping Tabs” seems to take place right after the break-up. The beat is rather buoyant, which contrasts with the vengeful tone that seems to carry all the pain described in “Nicole.” She expresses frustration to both the way she was treated, as well as to herself for not being able to forget about him.
“Facebook Friends”
“Some days are easier than others
And most nights, I don’t feel like a half
And it doesn’t hurt as much to think of your lips on another
But I miss hearing you laugh
So, maybe once more, we’ll cross paths
Or maybe we won’t
Either way, I’ll keep you in this song
And I don’t know, maybe it doesn’t have to be so wrong to try again
But for now, we’ll stay Facebook friends”
This song is much more generalized and isn’t specific to a certain person. It’s one that seems to have been written after the bitter emotions have faded, and all that’s left is anguish and finding oneself after separating from someone. There is an element of unknown and uncertainty that shows even after the feelings have dissipated. There is something that still lingers and hangs onto a past lover.
“Anaheim”
“But I’d give anything to stop time
And drive around Anaheim at sundown
To teach my mind to put you first
Here you are, a hero
You wanna be my new home
But baby, let up, I won’t ever recognize these roads
‘Cause I am lost, but not in you
I could spend my days studying your laugh’s melody
And I can’t live with myself ’cause I know you’d die for me
Oh, all I ask of you is please don’t sleep
On this bed of promises I can’t keep”
This particular song is more vague and open-ended for interpretation. This is my take: In a new city, the younger Nicole finds a new lover. Yet, being haunted by the memories of her ex, she can’t move forward and allow herself to love this new person, hence the mournful tone and the constant contradictions. She sees this person’s efforts and dedication to her, maybe reminiscent of her younger self to another, and can’t help but reject their love. Feeling undeserving, she pleads with them to just let her go. It shows how loving someone is both vulnerable and cruel.
“Oceans & Engines”
“On great love affairs
‘Cause now my heart’s home, all I’ve known is long gone
And ten thousand miles away
But I’m lettin’ go
I’m givin’ up the ghost
But don’t get me wrong
I’ll always love you, that’s why I
Wrote you this very last song”
Oceans and engines represent the immense distance between the two teenagers as well as the emotional distance that is chipping away at their relationship. “Oceans and engines, you’re skilled at infringin.'” Despite everything, the ocean’s endless cycle of ebbs and flows are ceaseless just like love is. Our feelings wax and wane; Nicole’s recognition of this leads to these lines that declare her final goodbye. This song represents the development she’s undergone as a person and her relationship with love. She allows herself to let go of all the pain and suffering while still embracing that their love lasted a good run.
“Take a Chance With Me”
“That I’m hopelessly captivated
By a boy who thinks love’s overrated
How did I get myself in this arrangement?
It baffles me, too, baffles me, too”
“Oh, why can’t you for once
Disregard the world, and run to what you know is real?
Take a chance with me, take a chance with me”
This song represents new beginnings and shows the growth Nicole gains after experiencing numerous love affairs, bitter and sweet. Through thick and thin, they’ve all left an impression on her which shapes her attitude towards love now. The bright tone of this song brings a mood that is hopeful yet anxious, portraying someone who is helplessly falling in love again. They battle through an internal conflict of whether or not to relent to their feelings. This expression of frustration really just acts as a bigger glimpse into how invested they feel towards this new lover. There’s this space between them that they both are afraid to cross. There’s vulnerability amidst the wanting feelings which stalls progression. Nevertheless, this song depicts a new, fresh start with the lessons they’ve learned previously.
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While the album may seem like just another break-up story, Nicole uses lyricism through rhymes and metaphors to create a unique story of growth and hardship. This was a creative project that she revived as half the songs were produced from her teenage years. Dedicating these songs to herself is like a sign of her moving on, but not abandoning the younger self that shaped who she is today.
