David Jung

Have you ever tried walking from class to class, but ended up being stopped by a mob? Welcome to high school where people have more common sense in AP Calculus than they do while walking in the hallways.

Walking to class is such a simple activity. It should be easy to walk from point A to point B especially when you walk the exact same path every day, right? Wrong. Some people make it their life’s mission to be a nuisance to society. Why do things the simple way when we can over-complicate everything. Everyone is guilty of at least one of these, and if you claim you aren’t, you’re lying.

Slow walkers

Slow walkers are exactly what they sound like. They walk slow. Just like people who drive slow in the fast lane, these people block all traffic and force people to pass them in slightly comical ways. The worst is when these people are only slightly slower than you so you have to increase your walk speeds to unnatural levels to pass them and there’s a solid five seconds where you’re next to them.

Fast walkers

Fast walkers are almost as bad as slow walkers. These people decide that them getting to class early is more important than the safety and comfort of the people, thus they zoom past anyone and everyone. The worst is when they’re freshmen who are running to class right before school starts. While getting to class on time is good, sprinting at light speed to your Integrated Math 1 class is a public safety hazard. Just take responsibility and be late like the rest of the students who decided to wake up late.

People who stand in front of doors

There are literally 46 acres of land in Ruben S Ayala and these people decide that the best place to stand is right in front of the highest traffic areas in the school. People are trying to get in and out of class so would you kindly move out of the way? The lack of self-awareness that these people have is truly dangerous and should concern students and teachers alike.

Giant friend groups

These people are the biggest threat to any student trying to get to class on time. At least with the slow walkers you can walk around them and the fast walkers you can attempt to avoid them. These behemoths decided of their own accord that their friendship was more important than anyone else getting to class on time. Any thoughts of walking past are quickly subdued by the chain of people walking in a horizontal line.

People who are on their phones

At best, these people are completely harmless. At worst, these people are a ticking time bomb. People on their phones have worse pacing than a movie made during the writer’s strike of 2014. Most of these people are unable to pick a speed to walk and and end up making walking with or past them a nightmare.

People who walk against traffic

Typically when people are walking in the halls, they subconsciously sort themselves into two lanes. These lanes are almost always going in opposite directions, so why is it that some people insist on walking on the side of the road where everyone else is going the opposite direction? Just move a few feet to the side with all the other people walking in your direction and bam, problem solved. But no, these people have zero common sense.

Rolling Backpack users

Yes, that’s right. You thought I was done campaigning for the removal of rolling backpack users after the end of my last article, but my prejudice continues. Again, if someone is using a rolling backpack for medical reasons, they are exempt from any of my criticisms. However, those who are using rolling backpacks out of their own free will have made their choice. Rolling backpacks are a bigger safety hazard than all of the other categories combined. They take the space of three whole people, have the chance of rolling over peoples’ poor toes, create more noise pollution than a broken PA system, and have the chance of spilling all their contents on the floor, creating an even bigger disaster. 

Combinations

If you thought any of these categories by themselves were bad, the combinations of them get so much worse. A singular person blocking a doorway is annoying. A giant friend group blocking a doorway is a military grade blockade. You think walking against traffic was bad? Now, imagine someone with a portable lawnmower (rolling backpack) rolling over your toes in the opposite direction. The volatility of those who walk fast and then suddenly stop is like the instability of a dementia patient. Combinations are the scariest and sadly, the most common form of walkers.

When walking to class, everyone should be slightly more mindful of their impact on others. Moving a few feet to the side can literally change the course of other people’s lives. Ayala would be significantly safer if people just choose to not over-complicate walking to class.